Divorce is often a difficult, complicated, and painful process—especially when children are involved. In Aruba, according to the Central Bureau of Statistics, 12.3% of the population is divorced, and the number of annual divorces has risen from 200 in the 1980s to an average of 334 in the last five years. While for many, divorce marks an ending—for others, it can be the beginning of something new. A beginning without anger or drama, but with respect and love, and one shared goal: to raise the children with peace and stability. This is the idea behind bird nesting, a co-parenting model where the children remain in one home, and the parents rotate in and out. The goal? Stability, peace, and continuity for the kids. And while this may sound like something you’d read in international magazines, here in Aruba, Darice Solognier and her ex-partner Jomar Figaroa are showing how it works in real life.
Darice met her ex-partner Jomar 13 years ago. “When I met him, he had a 6-year-old daughter, Kaylie. The connection was instant, and I became like one of her two moms. I have a very, very beautiful relationship with Kaylie,” Darice shares. Over time, the couple’s relationship continued to flourish, and eventually, Darice and her partner Jomar built a home and life together. “We became a family. Kaylie lived with us all those years. Later, we had our first child together, Ava Sophie, and three years later, Liam was born. For 13 years, we lived like a happy family. But in 2020, during the pandemic, the dynamic of the relationship changed. We didn’t have conflict or arguments. We simply grew apart. The romantic love wasn’t enough to stay together, but the respect and love for the children never changed.” And this is where the possibility of continuing as a family but with different rules, yet the same core values was born.
After Darice and Jomar decided to separate, Jomar moved out of the family home and went to live in an apartment near their current house. Darice stayed in the home with the children, but they didn’t follow the traditional route where, in many cases, children split their time between their parents’ separate homes. Instead of moving the children from one house to another, they chose a different model: Bird Nesting.
Darice and Jomar take turns staying in the same house with the children one week Darice, one week Jomar. Jomar comes every week to stay with them, take them to school, and spend time with them in a familiar environment. This setup, while not common in Aruba, is what worked for their family.
From day one, the priority was clear: the children had to remain at the center of every decision. “Before we even told the kids that we were going to separate, we sat down to carefully plan how to handle it the right way. At that time, Ava was 5 and Liam was just 2 — they didn’t really understand what was going on.”
“It wasn’t easy to let go of the romantic part, because the feelings still had their place. It’s not that we didn’t love each other anymore, we just didn’t work as a couple. I always wished that, in the future, both Jomar and I could rebuild our lives, each with our own partners, but still come together for the important moments in the kids’ lives — like one big, blended family.”Kaylie was almost 19, so they sought professional guidance from a family psychologist. “For me, it was important that each child, depending on their age, understood that while we were no longer going to be a couple, we would still remain a family. We explained to them that we both care deeply for each other as people, and that feeling is mutual. There was no fighting or anger; we had simply grown apart. Our love had changed form.” Throughout the process, Darice read extensively online about different co-parenting models, but she admits the first year was difficult.
“It wasn’t easy to let go of the romantic part, because the feelings still had their place. It’s not that we didn’t love each other anymore, we just didn’t work as a couple. I always wished that, in the future, both Jomar and I could rebuild our lives, each with our own partners, but still come together for the important moments in the kids’ lives — like one big, blended family.”
“We continue to keep our family traditions, just like always. We are good friends, and to me, Jomar will always be family. The way we handle special occasions reflects that. On Christmas morning, he comes to the house early, we have breakfast together, open presents, and spend the day as one united family.
For birthday celebrations, we gather on Sundays I cook, he comes over, my parents too so the house is filled with togetherness, not division.”
“I’m proud of the model we’ve created. The kids don’t feel a lack or tension. They don’t live in a house filled with silence or anger. They live in harmony,” says Darice.
Today, we have a clear system. We take turns: one week Jomar, one week me. Jomar comes by after work to spend time with them, and then he leaves. When it’s his week, he takes them to school every day, giving them that daily contact with their dad. This system was truly a process of trial and error — planning and adjusting. But we stayed open to improvements and shared the responsibilities equally.“We’ve even managed to go on two vacations together after the separation. Each of us had our own room, but we were with them — so they could feel that we are still a team.”
Today, we have a clear system. We take turns: one week Jomar, one week me. Jomar comes by after work to spend time with them, and then he leaves. When it’s his week, he takes them to school every day, giving them that daily contact with their dad. This system was truly a process of trial and error — planning and adjusting. But we stayed open to improvements and shared the responsibilities equally.
Of course, co-parenting like this takes emotional maturity. It wasn’t easy in the beginning, especially when new people started entering our lives. Today, Jomar has a new partner. I’ve met her, and we are open and respectful with each other.
That gives the kids peace of mind and sends them a powerful message: even though a romantic relationship may end, a family can still exist, just in a different form.
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